Here's to classical journals

Public blogging and censoring my own thoughts vaguely benefits my verbal purges, so expect much less of my typed words displayed on charaded.blogspot.com. Much love.

-Vivian

How about the heart of the home of 1995?

When the simplicity of a bluebirds' song

turned everything back without struggle

into place in the matter of seconds...

The seconds passing by 

neither too fast nor too slow,

it did not fly

nor did it crawl,

continuously spinning, and spinning, and spinning

on perfect time, in perfect harmony

Not a single alteration, they say

"not one change", really, "not one change"?

Why does it feel this much faster? 

miles and miles and miles

faster faster faster....

I'm feeling lightheaded. 

7:47 pm on a weekday is "down hour". Today is a Tuesday that feels like a Monday but is too far from either end to feel great. So how do I feel? Like I'm smack dab in the middle. No I ain't a Chips Ahoy cookie (haha!), nor am I very funny. I know what I'm not but I don't know what I am, so I guess this is where I stand, Right here in the middle while the world is spinning around and around and around so fast that it's making me dizzy just as the rides at carnivals make me feel--

 yet I'm not at a carnival, I'm on solid ground.

if there's one I don't deserve, I know I do not deserve to be treated disrespectfully.

HA! I can only laugh now.

...Thursday, Friday, Happy days, 

Saturday, another day, rocking all day with you!

"respect your elders"

I enjoyed myself tonight, and last night, and I'm assuming I'll enjoy tomorrow as well.

Yet I'm continuously disrespected and fed up with what's expected of me. Here's what I have to say:

A. You are so stressfully discontented and unfortunately still don't appreciate what I do for you.

B. I can't look up to you when you act like you're still 19.

C. HA ...HA .HA. HA.

D. At least I feel like myself right now.

E. THIS I DON'T NEED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I see fireflies against a dark blue sky in my mind when I close my eyes, and all 5 of them, drawn to the glowing candle and knowing that they are seconds away from Death, refuse to fight the temptation. If fireflies don't have brains (?), how can they feel the pain of the heat? They can't. But you know, the most beautiful time of a firefly's life is the moment following the touch of the wings to the flame: the lifeless fall to the ground. I feel like a firefly, except I am always fighting my temptations.

i should probably

-be more sensitive

-somehow obtain willpower and tolerance

-focus on inner-happiness

-show affection

-show emotion

-settle with the fact that I'm happy without question

blablabalalalblaalalblala 

I think I'm a rock

.....A grey stone, with those glue-on crazy eyes. Oh hey.

I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sick of myself.