Some Things Never Change

7/07

i'm good at wasting time and tetris. i love to love and i hate to hate and i don't know a whole lot about a whole lot. i'm messy and i get charcoal all over myself and even when i use ink it ends up all over my palms. i like morning conversations at coffee shops and losing sleep to late night laughs. i like friends and words and cold weather and warmth and singing but only when the music is on so loud nobody can hear me.

I like sunshine, sunshine with rain, surprises, optimistic people, cousins, baking, making music, drawing, trying to sing, pumpkin, holidays, parties, beaches, walks, hiking, shadows, piano, night life, sketchbooks, magazines, movies at home, tight hugs, occasional solitude, distractions, margaritas, my best friends, being happy, genuineness, stories, grunge style, itunes, stars, quiet nights, focus, inspiration, Pixar, House, adventures, shows,

I do a lil' bit of self reflection a few times a year, one method including defining myself. So here I am on Christmas Day, doing this instead of going on a walk/run like I told myself I would.

I will go do that right now.

Happy Holidays,

Vivian

scribbled nonsense in the middle of the night before the last month had passed (but slightly altered...)

The desired disease for

the goblins' last summer

15 hundred feet beneath the moisturous ground

of dirt, mud, and rocks on this

mucky sphere we call Earth...

where the sounds

where the music

where death

really comes from

green, tangled, dark, and feared,

we call it

the goblins' home.

damn

my artistic confidence is at an all time low but wait-

for once this is a good thing because I feel so driven feel so inspired feel so ambitious right now

To Translate a mind's mess into a simple day's plan:

-gym

-T.O. library park to draw

and draw

and draw

and draw

until my wrist hurts

-see some friends later

Today will be my first productive day since being Home.

Cold Cold Cold in the best way possible

Today marks the end of my first term at Art Center!

I have learned a shit-load of shitez and am proud of my progression.

I'm sitting here with nothing to worry about, and it feels weird.

Rachel and Thomas are sitting beside me working on their final projects.

I'm sitting here doing nothing trying to kill time-anticipating tonight.

and tomorrow night.

and possibly Saturday night, whatever goes down.

life is beautifulllllllllllllllll.

-Vivian Shih

ha-ha

I might have made some bad decisions this week but I don't think they will have much effect....hopefully. Nevertheless, it's been an excellent week.

Anyways, I am doing really well and I love my new friends.

(And I am beyond excited to see Classy 09 this weekend.)

So much love so much love so much love.

All the best,

Vivian Shih

Life

is

Beautiful

Talk about regrets.

Fuck. Him.

all you need is love

oh wait, I ain't got any.

easier

hahahaha grow up

pretty disappointed with several people at the moment.

Recently

I get more sleep than all of my classmates

(with the help of Melatonin every so often)

It's a good thing because it means I'm still on top of my workload.

Annie and Brooke spent Saturday at my aparment

Happiest I had been in a long time

happy happy happy

it was just like old times

Brooke slept over

pongy pong pong with Rachel and Thomas.

Rachel, Thomas and I are a cute little Art Center family.

On my mind

been all week...

What to do what to do what to do with myself

Man

I'm a mess.

My laugh is still hearty though.

I visited Farmer and Blake at Westlake High School today. the hallways were packed with high schoolers, and I mean DAMN PACKED. I had to attack my way through a trampede. It was overwhelming.

It was nice talking with my former teachers though. And Noelle.

And Brooke Dailey, when i visited her at work.

speechless...

Walking on Water

AUTUMN THANK YOU FOR THE RETURN!

This season always marks a new sense of optimism for me. I'm feeling good again today, but if I weren't feeling good, I've got my friends. I don't care how fucking cheesy I sound. I love my friends soooooo much: their amity means the world to me. If nothing else is right, they are.

oh hey...

let's escape the elevator shaft and

run away to that European city

you hold so dear to your heart

Dgaf m-fuckas. Today may easily be an A++ for no particular reason.

I'm doing good

I'm feeling good

Figure drawing workshop again tonight to finish up more homework.

I enjoy them because I actually make friends there

I love the nature surrounding Art Center

I saw two deer on my way to Writing Studio on Wednesday morning

one female

one male

(They were beautiful)

I stopped in my tracks

stared

smiled

and I wanted to take a picture,

but cars were passing by and drivers were throwing me looks

So I didn't get my picture of the two beautiful deer.

Regardless, the moment kept the smile on my lips for the remainder of the week.

really now?

Feeling low again.

"Barricade" still breaks my heart every single time I listen to it. I need to get in touch with myself because I feel so lost.

I don't think Art Center is for me...but I'm still not confident in saying so. No matter what though, I'm sticking it through. I just don't want art school to kill it for me.

On the bright side, I had a wonderful weekend visiting my friends at Irvine. It reminded me of all the good times Classy '09 used to have-I miss it so much.

Fear it more than death

A-M-B-I-T-I-O-N

I am working my ass off and I will keep doing so until the end

I've never felt so goal-oriented in my life.

The Capricorn in me is creeping out.

yay

Continuous

Well I guess I do this often because I enjoy evaluating myself. I mean, the list always changes, so why not? DO WHAT I WANT.

I like......

free time, the house I grew up in, singing, drawing, hand written journals, hiking, the outdoors, activity, sun and rain, friends, Classy '09, House, personal sketchbooks, ice blended Pumpkin from Coffee Bean, writing letters, receiving letters, cleanliness, bedheads, productivity, managing my time well, stargazing, astrology, pick up lines, bad jokes, childish humor, staying young, drawing without instruction, body language, human interactions, rap,

PS:

I'm always here.

Please Don't Bite

I will be at Mr. Jackson Lin's funeral in about 25 minutes. Great teacher, even better heart.

Rest in Peace.

Lots of work to do today, but I wish I could see some familiar faces. There are bed bugs in Rachel's room. We always have some sort of dilemma causing us minor trauma. NOT. FUN.

I reallllllly wish I had a piano or some sort of keyboard here because I miss playing so much.

Take care ya'll.

Love,

Vivian

Calm and Collected

I breathe in, I breathe out.

Hello again, dear friends.

Here's to classical journals

Public blogging and censoring my own thoughts vaguely benefits my verbal purges, so expect much less of my typed words displayed on charaded.blogspot.com. Much love.

-Vivian

How about the heart of the home of 1995?

When the simplicity of a bluebirds' song

turned everything back without struggle

into place in the matter of seconds...

The seconds passing by 

neither too fast nor too slow,

it did not fly

nor did it crawl,

continuously spinning, and spinning, and spinning

on perfect time, in perfect harmony

Not a single alteration, they say

"not one change", really, "not one change"?

Why does it feel this much faster? 

miles and miles and miles

faster faster faster....

I'm feeling lightheaded. 

7:47 pm on a weekday is "down hour". Today is a Tuesday that feels like a Monday but is too far from either end to feel great. So how do I feel? Like I'm smack dab in the middle. No I ain't a Chips Ahoy cookie (haha!), nor am I very funny. I know what I'm not but I don't know what I am, so I guess this is where I stand, Right here in the middle while the world is spinning around and around and around so fast that it's making me dizzy just as the rides at carnivals make me feel--

 yet I'm not at a carnival, I'm on solid ground.

if there's one I don't deserve, I know I do not deserve to be treated disrespectfully.

HA! I can only laugh now.

...Thursday, Friday, Happy days, 

Saturday, another day, rocking all day with you!

"respect your elders"

I enjoyed myself tonight, and last night, and I'm assuming I'll enjoy tomorrow as well.

Yet I'm continuously disrespected and fed up with what's expected of me. Here's what I have to say:

A. You are so stressfully discontented and unfortunately still don't appreciate what I do for you.

B. I can't look up to you when you act like you're still 19.

C. HA ...HA .HA. HA.

D. At least I feel like myself right now.

E. THIS I DON'T NEED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I see fireflies against a dark blue sky in my mind when I close my eyes, and all 5 of them, drawn to the glowing candle and knowing that they are seconds away from Death, refuse to fight the temptation. If fireflies don't have brains (?), how can they feel the pain of the heat? They can't. But you know, the most beautiful time of a firefly's life is the moment following the touch of the wings to the flame: the lifeless fall to the ground. I feel like a firefly, except I am always fighting my temptations.

i should probably

-be more sensitive

-somehow obtain willpower and tolerance

-focus on inner-happiness

-show affection

-show emotion

-settle with the fact that I'm happy without question

blablabalalalblaalalblala 

I think I'm a rock

.....A grey stone, with those glue-on crazy eyes. Oh hey.

I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sick of myself.

weights

it's been good. I'm overloaded with unfinished businesses this week but I'm dealing alright. I don't know what I would do without Brooke! Honestly. I don't laugh with anybody like I do with her, and I already laugh a ridiculous lot on a regular basis. You really wouldn't understand.

I do need to get back into my artwork again though. I've been slacking but I never want to forget what I love to do. Passing by others, I am constantly flooded with frustration because the work before them I cannot call my own. It's honestly the most annoying emotion in the world.

happy?

The pain from my smiles and the sound of my laughter is driving me insane. I may just be numb, but if that were the case, the whole world would be wrong and I'd be the only skeptical one. I'm the happiest person in the world, but then again, how often is the majority right. See why I'm always confused? I still can't tell my emotions apart. 

And don't you dare stereotype every questioning case of mine as a typical teenage phase. Or actually, go ahead because i really should try not to care. I say, I love my life.

....right?

PS: I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY NEED TO LEARN HOW TO FALL ASLEEP AT NIGHT.

i am

a bit confused about it all.

love,
vivian

PS: happy new year