7:47 pm on a weekday is "down hour". Today is a Tuesday that feels like a Monday but is too far from either end to feel great. So how do I feel? Like I'm smack dab in the middle. No I ain't a Chips Ahoy cookie (haha!), nor am I very funny. I know what I'm not but I don't know what I am, so I guess this is where I stand, Right here in the middle while the world is spinning around and around and around so fast that it's making me dizzy just as the rides at carnivals make me feel--

 yet I'm not at a carnival, I'm on solid ground.

if there's one I don't deserve, I know I do not deserve to be treated disrespectfully.

HA! I can only laugh now.

...Thursday, Friday, Happy days, 

Saturday, another day, rocking all day with you!

"respect your elders"

I enjoyed myself tonight, and last night, and I'm assuming I'll enjoy tomorrow as well.

Yet I'm continuously disrespected and fed up with what's expected of me. Here's what I have to say:

A. You are so stressfully discontented and unfortunately still don't appreciate what I do for you.

B. I can't look up to you when you act like you're still 19.

C. HA ...HA .HA. HA.

D. At least I feel like myself right now.

E. THIS I DON'T NEED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I see fireflies against a dark blue sky in my mind when I close my eyes, and all 5 of them, drawn to the glowing candle and knowing that they are seconds away from Death, refuse to fight the temptation. If fireflies don't have brains (?), how can they feel the pain of the heat? They can't. But you know, the most beautiful time of a firefly's life is the moment following the touch of the wings to the flame: the lifeless fall to the ground. I feel like a firefly, except I am always fighting my temptations.

i should probably

-be more sensitive

-somehow obtain willpower and tolerance

-focus on inner-happiness

-show affection

-show emotion

-settle with the fact that I'm happy without question

blablabalalalblaalalblala 

I think I'm a rock

.....A grey stone, with those glue-on crazy eyes. Oh hey.

I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sick of myself.

weights

it's been good. I'm overloaded with unfinished businesses this week but I'm dealing alright. I don't know what I would do without Brooke! Honestly. I don't laugh with anybody like I do with her, and I already laugh a ridiculous lot on a regular basis. You really wouldn't understand.

I do need to get back into my artwork again though. I've been slacking but I never want to forget what I love to do. Passing by others, I am constantly flooded with frustration because the work before them I cannot call my own. It's honestly the most annoying emotion in the world.

happy?

The pain from my smiles and the sound of my laughter is driving me insane. I may just be numb, but if that were the case, the whole world would be wrong and I'd be the only skeptical one. I'm the happiest person in the world, but then again, how often is the majority right. See why I'm always confused? I still can't tell my emotions apart. 

And don't you dare stereotype every questioning case of mine as a typical teenage phase. Or actually, go ahead because i really should try not to care. I say, I love my life.

....right?

PS: I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY NEED TO LEARN HOW TO FALL ASLEEP AT NIGHT.