I'm so giddy right now I don't know what to do with myself. My manager made me the biggest cup of Mochalatta today. I cleaned my bathroom and wiped the mirrors because I have so much energy. How stupid is that of me to drink so much caffeine during the night? It definitely doesn't help with my sleeping issues...oh well. I feel good.

Can you guess what I'm doing right now? Yes I'm sitting here typing...but I'm also smiling. Bruises-Chairlift is playing on my iTunes and it makes me happy. I feel like I'm on cocaine. I'm so happy. I want to give thanks to those who put up with my insanity last week. I'm okay now. Today's been the most productive day and I'm very pleased with myself. It's also been a very good, chill weekend. Maybe I'm just looking on the bright side. I like looking on the bright side. Keep it coming keep it coming keep it coming.

What is this? I feel hurt. I feel hearbroken without a cause. Is it the music? Is it the journals? I don't get this. I don't get it this all.

I want to take a puppy on a walk. I miss Frosty.

PS: I blog too much.
PPS: Although it was light fun, yesterday's noon hours made up for the bad days.

Is this a pattern?

I'm going crazy. Really, I am. I know I should talk about the whats that are bothering me but I don't want to, mostly because it takes too much effort and I don't care enough. I cannot spend excess time with anybody until my situations are organized because otherwise I will bring everybody down. I already see the beginning of the negative influences of my attitude. I need to get my shit together before I return to the bubbly/happy person I am so often described as. I need to get my shit together right now.

On a lighter note,

I've been makin some $$$ money.

EDIT:
Just kidding. I need my check NOW because I owe the bank $58.27 and my sister $20.

I just went a bit crazy last night. I can handle it, I always do.

I'm still tired though
and I'm still mad at myself.


PS: I wish everyone would just be fucking happy. If everyone were happy, I'd be happy too. I mean that. Yeah, every day is a new day, but only when it reaches the middle. Every day begins and ends the same, and I never forget to put on my face. If the curtains raised for me, my "colors" would not shine through. The achromatics would be burning through instead, and I would unintentionally bring everybody I love down.

PPS: Attempts at college essays made me realize I don't know how to depict a sense of humor or happiness with words. I do have a sense of humor, I have a childish sense of humor. Why does everything I say sound so negative?

I fell, twice last week
But fuck the world, with nobody's help I'm back on my feet without one bent knee. I'm the new Titanic and I dare you to try and bring me down again.

i am having a horrible week and it has only been two days. I want to cry but I can't cry, I want to sleep but I can't sleep. I don't want to talk about it. I don't like talking about troubles because I like laughing! I like singing! Why? Because laughing makes me happy. I feel as if I'm falling backwards. I don't want corrupted ideas. I don't want to lose anybody. What's worse than somebody leaving you by a death or a move from home is somebody leaving you by choice. I don't want it to ever happen to me ever again. I'm not confident enough in my portrayed personality to believe that those that I love will choose to stay in my life. I can see you getting to know me and unwrapping my personality only to take an early exit from my life. How is it possible to know somebody to the core of their bones? You can't. I don't believe it. That's how it's always been, and even though I've held onto these people longer than I have most, who knows what will happen? I love you all, and I hope you don't leave me. What hurts me the most is seeing my friends hurt. I can't deal with it. If you cry, I'll cry. If you're angry, I'm angry. If you're happy, I'm happy too. I'm the activist. Not only do I care, I contribute. I will be the first to attempt a cheer up, lend a hand to a paralyzed girl, pull over if I see somebody hurt. I'm not afraid to help but If I can't help, I'll beat myself up for it. I will never learn how to stop blaming myself. Sometimes I think I'm heartless, but I'm not. It has, in truth, too many people in it for my own good.